“If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. Take the yoke I give you. Put it on your shoulders and learn from me. I am gentle and humble, and you will find rest. This yoke is easy to bear, and this burden is light.“
Luke 10:28
Are you tired, disappointed, tired of being disappointed, going through issues and situations that you cannot speak to anyone about lest you be judged, given names, or censured in circles you belong in. Have you been silent too long or have you lost your voice totally, do you no longer recognise who you have become? Are you tired of being tired?
Have you been used and abused, rode hard and hung wet? Does your very essence feel dry, uncared for, unworthy and undeserving of any kind of love? Do you find yourself silently asking but who will take care of me too? Are you pushing yourself beyond limit to meet the needs of others as you gradually shrivel up and become unrecognizable to yourself and others? Are you looking for help, Christ-type of help but you can’t seem to find any depth anywhere, or even some direction to get the help you need? Has everything you’ve tried so far somehow failed, everything friends, family, Instagram teachers, books and message boards taught you? Are you tired of feeling this way and yet somehow there’s a deep knowing in your heart that there must be answers and another way out there.
God knows I was tired too, have been tired too and still get tired sometimes too.
If the words of Christ in Luke 10: 28 spoke to something inside of you, then I am glad the Spirit of God led you to this blog. There is always a way out, a way to live, love and thrive again. There is a way out and the light to and for that path is Christ alone, our Lord and Saviour.
Welcome and let’s get started
The first question I asked when I got the very strong prompting from the Holy Spirit to go ahead was and remains “who would want to read this? You will soon come to learn that I do not do anything without the guidance of God through my friendship and extremely deep relationship with the person of the Holy Spirit. Neither should you. Also, I’ll like to add that the only way I have been able to maintain and sustain any of the healing and deliverance in this very difficult process has been through the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit. I will be upfront from the beginning, you cannot do this without the Word, The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit.
The second question I asked was ” Is there anything I have to share that will make any real difference to the person who reads this blog? Lastly I asked, how should I present the ideas, lessons, and hard truths I have learnt during this process that can be used practically to enhance a person’s life without seeming too spiritual, too unrelatedable . I am also aware of the amount of information out there, what value would adding my voice to the fray bring to people who have suffered or are suffering from all kinds of abuse and trauma?
Before I all answer these questions let me first introduce myself and tell you very briefly about my story.
Hi,my name is Ollie.O. and like you I am a trauma and abuse survivor.
I was in a hostile, toxic, physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive marriage to a man deeply entrenched in narcissism,although he was not clinically diagnosed. However everything I’ve learnt in my extensive research on abuse and human behavior in medical journals, books and research papers point to a person with deep malignant narcissim. I also happen to come from a country where dysfunction,neglect, and lack of social values and value for human life and no entrenched laws capable of protecting or enforcing social order which has caused people to be in constant survival which in tunr has caused all kinds of behavioural anomalies and dysfunction. It is a broken society with broken systems that does not work for any one in the society. People are broken and they keep breaking others.
The physical violence was all me by the way, I am stating this early so that you understand that I want to be as upfront with you as possible about all the things we do to others and ourselves. Before you write me off as an abuser making excuses and looking for sympathy, kindly allow me to give you more of a backgound so that you can start to gradually understand the situation I found myself in.
I come from a highly dysfunctional family where physical , sexual, emotional and mental abuse was rampant. Physical violence was the norm in the environment I grew up in. This was usually perpertuated by cousins and extended family members who lived with us. At one point, my siblings and I counted up to 21 other people who had lived with us growing up. There was very little parental supervision as our parents had to work to feed the many mouths they had to feed. Till date I am averse to having people live in my home due to all my siblings were exposed to growing up.
I have also learnt in this process that there is phenomenon called reactive abuse: this occurs when the victim reacts to the abuse they are experiencing, the victim may scream, toss out insults, or even lash out physically at the abuser. The abuser then retaliates by telling the victim that they are, in fact, the abuser. This was my reality in the marriage I was in. In order to understand why I had gotten into this type of relationship in the first place, I had to deeply understand my background and the internal operating system that had been influencing my behaviour and thought patterns before I then received the deep work God had to do inside me. As I went through this process, I learnt to take responsibility for all my actions and decisions and to then become accountable to God, myself and those whom I love.
As we journey together, please allow me to take you through the process of overcoming, in a situation, which may or may not be similar to the one you’ve experienced or are currently experiencing. A situation or more likely, a pattern of existence that was designed to break all those who were involved in it. Let me show you what I learnt about the many terrifying but hidden faces, effects and consequences of abuse and why something like narcissistic abuse is such an insidious and not well talked about form of abuse from a Christian point of view. A pattern of living, although extremely destructive, that has now unfortunately become how people live and deal with each other in the world.
We will also look at the trauma associated with and the lack of consequences that cause and sustain emotional and mental abuse, harm and dysfunction in our society and how we as Christians can help ourselves. We will also look at how it affects all parts of a person’s life starting with the mind, then the very real consequences in the body and rapid, and sometimes life-threatening deteroriation of the body through stress and inflammayion that follows. These generational forms of trauma and other events associated with is what I want to teach you how to spot and how to survive and then learn how to start to thrive, whatever you decide to do in relation to the abuser in the long run.
Even though the whole process almost broke me, I am here to say overcoming is possible and living anew after abuse is possible through Christ, it is possible to overcome such issues in a Christ-Like Manner with integrity and actually become the better for it. It is possible to become even more like Jesus as you live through the extended period of healing. You can and will be made whole again if you learn to lean on and trust God alone.
So the answer to the first question I posed: who would want to read this?
I am writing this mainly for Christians who want to overcome everything exerting unbearable pressure on them with the hopes of starting life afresh. The hope is that this will help everyone who needs God’s help to overcome trauma, hurt and abuse and the issues that come with it all. However more importantly, how to leave the things, personalities and consequences of past decisions behind and start a new life in Christ which is without condemnation, ties or any long lasting negative effects that may eventually cause the abused to become abusers themselves, thereby stopping the cycle of abuse and dysfunction.
Please note that, the main focus is on Christians simply because I am a Christian and when I was a new Christian, I needed answers and solutions that fit my new and true identity in Christ and the new and true value systems I was learning which purposefully addressed my unique situation. I unfortunately did not find many long-staying resources. Truly healing from deep trauma and abuse is a long process, a marathon if you will and I found that many resources did not have the fullness of information that I needed on my journey of recovery. They usually only addressed one facet of my humanity. I needed something that took into consideration every part of me, because every part of me had been affected by the long term abuse and dysfunction and I needed all those parts of me healed. I needed the Bible.
I also did not want to be ashamed of my past experiences. I wanted to learn from them, and as a historian I wanted to see what I could glean from my past mistakes and how to utilise the lessons I had learnt. I also wanted these lessons to effectively ensure myself and others would not repeat those mistakes. I also wanted myself and others to grow and mature from all those experiences and be tranformed into the people God originally created us to be, which I knew without a doubt was possible, even though then I did not know how. There is also a part of me that strongly believes that when people give an account of their history, then those who come behind, do not have to go through the same experiences they had, I am a strong believer in learning from other people. I guess that is why I love history.
In the process of healing I found that Christ, the Word and my relationship with every facet of God did all this and much more for me, and in the process I documented my experiences, the experiences of others around me and the lessons I gleaned from it all, the ideas that developed and actually bore fruit in my life and the life of others in the process; and now, that is all what I will be sharing on this blog.
The intention of this then is to collate and document the information, the lessons, the examples, truths and realities I learnt, saw and encountered on my journey to healing and deliverance.
I suppose the main intention is to help other people who may still be struggling with some of the issues I had to face and act as a form of light and guide.
Now I am extremely reluctant to use these words as the Bible, the word of God is the Lamp that guides our ways and the Christ is our Light, the Way and the Truth, and the Life. However the Bible also describes us ( and I count myself to be included in this description) as the Light of the World, and I have been told many times by God to shine my light. Biblical reference: Matthew 5: 14-16 NIV “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. It is this light that I am hoping to share. If one person does not feel so alone, no longer feels lost or ashamed, finds their way back to Christ then I believe my work has been done.
I will put a disclaimer here as some of what I intend to share may be triggering for those who have been abused or are currently being abused and are in effect suffering through some form of trauma. However, with each blog post, there will be a prayer at the end which I encourage everyone to pray over themselves or anyone they may know in a similar situation.
However as with all those suffering the effects of trauma and abuse, I highly suggest that you pray for and ask God to send you someone you can trust who you are accountable to, an individual or people who will not use information you’ve shared against you later in the future. You should also find a reputable therapist if you can afford or have access to one. If you do not pray for God to direct you to the right people to talk to like a Pastor in your church or a church around, there are usually counsellors in churches, but please pray about this because I cannot over-emphasize how much you need the right people for you.
Therapy is one of the topics I will touch on and I will also explain my experiences and the conclusion I have drawn as a Christian through research, books and other people’s experiences and the care Christians need to take when looking for a therapist or counsellor. My experiences are not universal and like I have said before, it is only to act as a guidepost for those who have tried and failed using worldly systems and who would now like to try another way, the only way in my opinion.
I will reiterate once again, if you are triggered, please pray and seek help from those who can help you. They are out there. This maybe your opportunity to start to talk to someone in order to heal. James 5:16 NKJV Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. I can not overemphasise the need to pray for the right people for you in your current situation. This is very important and I will have a blog post that covers this topic of finding your own people through your process. Do not go this alone. You weren’t meant to.
To answer the second question, I will leave that to Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith. However, my hope is that anyone who is serious about their healing, who needs deliverance from deep issues that have plagued them, people who have fully lived in the world and who now feel pulled to try another way, a true way and whose hearts are opened to Christ and believe His works will indeed work things out for them will find these lessons, ideas and answers useful.
Christ is the answer and the only true Source, this blog is just another resource available to help you on your own journey to healing and deliverance from all the things that may have weighed you down and stopped you from entering the peace and wholeness Christ has called you into.
Now to the last question: how do I present the ideas, lessons, and hard truths I have learnt during this process?
Well, the first thing is that if you happened to stumble on this blog and are not currently a Christian but have been feeling a pull to know Jesus more, please say this prayer below. You can choose to pray this prayer so that you receive Christ as your Lord and Saviour.
After you have done this, please pray for and find a church home where I will also suggest you get baptised. Easter is apparently a very good time for baptism, a lot of people come to Christ in this season, which is very beautiful in my opinion. After all this is the period Christ died for the atonement of our sins and this was also the period when His work to save us from the burdens and tribulations of this world got completed. This is the season, His and in effect our tribulations ended and as He entered Heavenly places, we were also given new life and we like Him can and should enter into the newness of resurrection power.
However, if you are not reading this during the Easter season; fret not, I myself got baptised in September and truly anytime anyone becomes a new creation first by confession of faith and acceptance of Christ as Lord and Saviour and then by baptism of water is a wonderful celebration for the person, their family and the world at large. Even heaven rejoices when we come into new life.
It a heavenly celebration because you are declaring to the world that you have entered into a new marriage, new life and have now been made new and there is no attack on your character by others or yourself that should or can stand. You have been set free. John 8:36 NIV So if the Son sets You free, You will be free indeed.
Now is the time to allow the Spirit of God empower you to work out the process of salvation. Philippians 2:12 BSB Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now even more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good purpose. In this phase and through this process, you begin to unlearn all the old things you used to know and do and start to take baby steps, yes baby steps into the new you. Be rest assured you will soon become sure-footed like a deer on a hill. Psalm 18:33 He made me sure-footed as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights.
To everyone else who is already saved but looking for a way out, I will like you to know that this a journey, a marathon, enjoy it, you have done well so far and your path is only getting brighter and brighter. Remember you aren’t doing this for just yourself, there people coming behind you that will follow the path you’ve laid down in Christ. So please finish well, don’t give up. Be prepared to do the work, to allow God patiently work these things out in you. The trauma and abuse you have suffered, survived or been through that has left deep scars in your soul are only a symptom of much deeper things that need to be evacuated by God before you can become who God created you to be.
You have to allow God completely heal you and for some people, if not most people this will start at your very foundation. It will not be easy, it will be long, arduous and painful journey for some. You will lose people, ideologies and even your former identity in the process but the person who will emerge at the end will be beautiful in every way, and whole and finally at peace internally and externally. You will no longer be reactive and helpless. You will be strengthened from the inside out and empowered to walk boldly into He has called to be. However unrecognisable the new person you’ve become may be , you will finally come to realise this is the person you’ve always been and that has been trying to get out for as long as you can remember, the person that never gave up!
On this blog, we will deal with the mind, body, soul, and spirit using the scripture and biblical lessons to find application for our daily lives.
The purpose of this blog is to help us navigate all that has happened and is happening in the world in a Christ-like manner. There are many things that purport to be the answer in the world. However, we want to look away from the deception and manipulation that are abound in the world and look to Christ alone, our Lord and Saviour.
We will try to understand the effects of trauma on the physical body, the emotions and mental state and even how our brains play a role in our trauma and healing, we will explore the different ways we can and should heal, the habits and behaviours that keep us trapped and even how our lack of understanding of our personality types can get us in relational trouble.
The point is not to look at one aspect of our existence on this earth but to look at the multi-faceted beings we are and ensure that each part of us is nurtured and grown into God’s original intention when He created man. This will all be based off everything the Spirit of God taught and the adventure I am still on with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. I have come to learn that the peace Christ bought for each and everyone of us on the Cross of Calvary was an actual wholeness whilst we remain on this earth and the path He came to show us the example was how to be at peace within and without in this broken world. John 16:33 NIV“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
You may lose your appetite for quite a number of things: like drama, divisiveness, dissension, sexual immorality and perversion, competition and pride. However I can guarantee that if you stay the course with the help of the Holy Spirit, you will also gain much more in terms of peace and wholeness within yourself and with other people, joy regardless of whatever situation you may find yourself and the righteousness of God through Christ which allows you to do and be all the Lord has called you to be, finally you will no longer wonder about your purpose but will declare boldy to the Lord ” Here I am, send me.” Isaiah 6:8 NIV
I hope this brief explanation has intrigued you to come on this journey of healing and discovery of your true self through the lens of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour.
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